Archive for the ‘Dating’ Category

Good Guys Win

Wait, that doesn’t seem right…

Good guys win only in movies.

That’s more like it. Whether you think this is true or not, or whether you believe in karma or an afterlife reward, is irrelevant here. I like to believe that there is an incentive to be nice around other people, to do stuff the way they should be done, and to act in a logical manner while keeping the future in mind. But I unfortunately talk by experience.

This is not what happens in real life (at least, most of the time). Women are interested in the cool guys who look like they can give some excitement from the day-to-day routine.

Picture this: a random guy enters a bar. He wears a leather jacket and is holding a shiny black helmet under his arm. His stubble gives him a rough and wild appearance. First impression, he likes to race with his sports motorcycle, and lives on the edge of danger. He’s exciting.

Now picture me, on the other side of the bar, sitting down and sipping a beer. I’m clean-shaven, wearing a white shirt, and my tie is loosened around my neck. Whether I’m attractive or not is irrelevant – I’m labeled as someone who works at a desk job. I’m boring. Strangers won’t come talk to me.

I may be smarter and make more money, statistically speaking, than the cool guy, but that is irrelevant too. Women will go out with the guy who can bring excitement. Almost invariably.

Now sooner or later, this woman may come to her senses, realize that the guy is really a jerk, a dumbass, or a douchebag, and leave him. If this is a movie, she will see me as a smarter move, and I get the girl. If this is a movie. In real life, of course, I will be somewhere else, maybe years later, and she will do the same mistakes again. Over and over. Because cool guys are cool. They win.

Another unrelated example. I save my money for when I will retire. Even though I have a modest salary, I try putting a lot of money aside. I don’t eat out often, I very rarely buy the latest gadgets, and my car is boring and inexpensive (relatively speaking). Let’s forget for a moment that women will prefer the guy with an Audi compared to me and my trustworthy Corolla. The cool guys have debts, but they have material possessions. I am debt-free, and I’m planning for a great retirement. There are rumors that the governments are planning to seriously increase the inflation in the coming years in order to help people (and themselves) to pay their debts. That means that cool guys will have an easier time paying their debts. That also means that the money I struggle to set aside for my retirement will be worth a lot less. Good guy loses, cool guy wins.

So what does it mean to be cool (aside from not being boring)? Cool guys don’t take care of their health as much – they go to fast food restaurants with other cool people. Vegans who take care of their health are boring. Cool people don’t think about the future – they live in the now. They take trips to interesting countries and buy expensive stuff in their oversized home. A cool couple will have two cars – having money, and parading to the neighborhood, is cool. Cool people drink alcohol and coffee. Up until recently, smoking was considered to be cool (it is still considered cool by kids, though), but public pressure got the best of the government, for once. Why do you think there are so many actors, singers, and rich people who use drugs? Yes, living right in danger’s face is cool. People look at you and think “wow, I want to look like him!”. Cool people don’t brush their teeth and floss three times a day, because thinking proactively is not cool. Live in the now! Break the rules! Getting a speeding ticket means living, and you’ll get girls! Being cool also requires a certain lack of dedication and will in some areas. For example, it’s considered cool to deliberately make mistakes when you write a text message to someone, but someone else who applies himself to write correctly will be seen as putting too much effort for nothing. Someone taking care of his health will not be cool, and won’t be called to a party.

Today, I lost something else. By sleeping polyphasically, I had something different – I was different. There are so many things that can go wrong with this experiment, that for once in my life, I was a cool guy. I tried for a week in early February, and stopped because I got scared. Then I went back to polyphasism for a complete week, and found out that my body was too weakened. I caught the flu during my one-week “normal schedule”, and caught a cold after exactly one week on the polyphasic sleep schedule. This is not normal for me, and is the first actual consequence that I notice. True, I live in Quebec, it’s February, everyone is sick right now, and my flu and cold may or may not be related to the sleeping schedule. There’s too much at stake now – it’s not only a matter of what studies you decide to believe, but an actual notice of how my body is responding. Maybe.

By doing this, I got a lot of experience and insight about myself, and the human body in general. But such experience is not considered cool – skateboarding experience, on the other hand…

The plan right now is to stop polyphasism. The consequence is that I go back to being a boring guy. Other consequences are that my interests and pass-times will have to compete for my very-limited free time. Having a course in the evening means that I won’t do anything that day. Another possibility would be to cancel my gym membership and do some basic exercises at home, which would free up 0.5-1 hour every work day. I wouldn’t like to do that, but getting up at 04:45 means I have to go to sleep at around 09:30. I don’t have time to do anything.

Whatever I do, I have the feeling that I am doomed. FML.


What does it mean to be cool? Not thinking about the future, and living now.

I don’t want to do that.

Categories: Dating, Sleeping, Thinking

Dating Among Friends

The best way, in my opinion, for finding a mate, is to look into your circle of friends. I don’t mean “actively” looking, but I think it’s easier than the other ways to find love.

You spend time with your friends, and your friends’ friends. Like “dating at work”, you get to know the person before moving on to something more intimate, and I think that’s the most important thing. People need to take more time before falling into a relationship.

If things don’t turn out good between you, this could become more complicated, or embarrassing. Just because someone is not your friend anymore doesn’t mean he or she will leave your friend circle. That person could still be nearby. Of course, it all depends on how you broke up, and the circumstances leading to it.

Categories: Dating

Dating at the Job

2011/10/04 3 comments

I always thought I’d have more chance in a work environment to find someone. You are (usually) around people, work with them, talk to them, and learn to know them. I think this is a very good setup. You hang with someone during lunch hours, and if the attraction is mutual, you get a cup of coffee sometime.

Unfortunately for me, I work in an all-guy environment (I’m a programmer). Sure, there are other people in different departments, but with my work in front of a computer monitor all day, I almost never see them. Even if I was, the majority of them have husbands and kids. Besides, let’s be honest – people tend to see the computer guys as anti-social before seeing them as just shy.

This is not for everyone, though. I’ve heard many people say that they wouldn’t want to be close to their wife for 24h every day. They need their time away from her. I don’t really understand that – if you’re with the person of your life, wouldn’t you be happy to see him/her all day, for better or worse, forever? Just a thought…

So I guess this possibility is not for me (unless luck strikes). Seriously, I think that for most jobs out there, this seems to be a very good opportunity.

Categories: Dating

Dating on internet

Recently, dating on the internet seems to be more and more popular. Odds are that if you ask a couple where they met each other, the answer will be “on the web”. People prefer to stay inside at their computer and see who’s available.




But who am I to judge? I was part of two dating sites. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, just hinting at it. After my last break-up, I decided I would not go back to dating on web sites. It feels too wrong. I’ve got a feeling that people fall into relationships too quickly, without knowing the other person well enough to know that he/she is a person worth living with.


Dating web sites offer that easy path, and list people who openly declare that they are looking for a mate. Most of them are not looking for a friend first, but are looking for a relationship right away, bang into hardships and break-up, and look for someone else. Life is too short! I want to find my soul mate as soon as possible!


Age-Related Issues

But I guess there are differences in why someone goes to web dating. This is how I see how it goes. It’s just a stereotypical opinion – please do not be offended by it.


Young people (like 25 years old or less) might go to these dating sites as an alternative to their other dating quests. Maybe they’re curious too about all the possibilities brought to them by the internet. It’s probably not something they need – they go to school or hop around jobs, and meet a lot of candidates.



Older people (40 years old or more), might go to these sites because they are recently divorced or widowed, and they might not have the time or courage to go through all that manual dating again. It’s either that or staying the rest of their life alone.



On the other hands, older people like me (around 25-40 years old), are there because they are shy or can’t be in a steady relationship. I’m in the first category.



I’ve seen a LOT of weird people there, and a lot of people, very normal people, who, together, bring out some odd statistics. For example, I couldn’t help but notice that many (way too many) women are into horseback riding, or openly say on their profiles that they love horses. Why is the odds of a woman liking horses higher on the dating sites? Are horse-loving ladies having a difficult time finding a boyfriend in real life?


I’ve also seen a lot of people dating on the web who regularly go to the gym. My first hunch would be to assume that they have a hard time finding someone who accepts her repeated lack of presence. I go often to the gym myself, so I hope it’s not that.


Basically, I feel that most people in my age category go to a dating site because they have a problem. We are there because we’re starting to be desperate. Maybe it’s because we are shy, or too picky, or because nobody wants us. Whatever the reason, I wish I wouldn’t need that internet help to find someone…

Categories: Dating

Dating in a Grocery Store

If you’re single and are grocery shopping, there are several advantages to look around, and I don’t mean looking around at the food.



You’re in a quiet environment, and feel no pressure to be someone other than yourself. You cross a lot of different people of all ages, all of them with their own story. Depending on what aisle you’re in, the smell can relax or excite your brain. Personally, I love vegetables and fruits, and being surrounded by that fresh scent is totally soothing. I’m rarely in a foul mood when I shop for groceries, and I guess that’s very positive, since body language is a very important (and overlooked) point concerning first impressions.


You’re flooded with light, which keeps you wide awake, and you’re not under any influence (at least, you shouldn’t be).




You’re just yourself.



The items in your cart is usually a good indication of how well you eat (that can be an additional incentive to eat better). I’ll be (knowingly or subconsciously) more interested in a woman whose cart looks like mine, than to someone who’s buying several packs of frozen meals. After all, you are what you eat.




So, Why Here?

I don’t know. It feels more natural than trying to find a girlfriend in a bar. Though it never worked for me, I like that thought. You meet people, and buying food for subsistence is a very basic, common, and natural thing to do.


I always look at the people I pass in the eye. That look is almost never shared, and when there is an eye contact, I feel no emotion from the other person. But I continue on my way, and remind myself that it takes only one eye contact to the right person, at the right time, and the right moment… Sometimes, I happen to follow someone from aisle to aisle, but in reverse. That basically gives me more chance to be noticed.



You take your items to the cashier, and say hi. If the person at the cash is smiling / seems to be in a good mood, I can strike a small conversation, otherwise I just keep smiling to myself, and thank her when I leave. Thing is, the people hired to take your money are the same people week after week. I find it easier to speak to someone if you’ve said hi several times in the past, and the small conversation can grow longer and longer (until the point when you have to leave because of the angry shoppers waiting for their turn).


Categories: Dating